Since I am fully involved in this of fatherhood (9 years) and fatherhood 2.0 (about 8 years in forums and blogs) I have been growing as a person and as a father, feeling increasingly identified with the parenting philosophy we know as Respectful parenting, attachment breeding or natural parenting. This has led me to meet many people who think alike and to read many opinions, messages, arguments and debates, and even to see some mothers and fathers talk about their role as the creation of a new society, as if they were leading out a real social revolution, as if they were changing the world by raising your children that way.
I thought about it at some point in caring for my children, but luckily it didn't take long to get rid of that idea. Today I decided to write this entry as a touch of attention to all those parents who think their children will change the world, to all those fathers and mothers who breastfeed, collect and raise their children with respect to be the leaders of tomorrow.
And why not, if breastfeeding makes them smarter?
It is true. We saw it a few months ago in a study that showed that children who were breastfed for a longer time had greater intelligence and a better salary at age 30. Drinking breast milk instead of artificial milk increases the intellectual quotient of children a few points, but the premise "breastfed children are smarter than non-breastfed" cannot be established as true, because there are many factors that affect the A person's final intelligence and breastfeeding is not the variable that weighs the most in the equation. To go more safely, let's say that breastfed children are smarter than if they themselves were not breastfed.
What is the factor that most has to do with final intelligence? The one who doesn't know the most, but one that has much more to do is the environment in which it is born. A child born in a high class family has scores on intelligence tests that are much higher than those born in a working class family. If the breastfeeding of a child can make him vary his intellectual quotient in 4-5 points, be born in one or another social stratum can differentiate one child from another by up to 15 points. Is it because he has more opportunities when receiving an education? Could it be that their parents earn more income because they are already more intelligent, and that is what children inherit?
To clarify: if on one side we had a group of children of parents with low-income breastfed and on the other a group of children of parents with high income of a bottle, the second will be smarter than the first. However, all things being equal, if we compare children of the same social stratum, those who drink breast milk do have, on average, about 3-5 points of intellectual quotient. That is why the comparison should be with itself: "If I had been breastfed it would be a smarter tad. As I was not, I am a less intelligent tad."
To what it was: yes, children are a little smarter if they drink breast milk, but it is a mistake to breastfeed them to be the leaders of tomorrow.
And why not, if sleeping with them makes them grow healthier and calmer?
It says so Margot Sunderland, director of Education and Training at the Center for Child Mental Health in London, when she recommends that children sleep with their parents for at least five years. She, and other experts, see perfectly logical that children do not spend energy at night, with fears and fears for being alone, for the darkness, or for not knowing when tomorrow will come and that they rest, calm, confident and feeling safe and Beloved next to their parents.
In this way they reserve strengths and capacities for day to day, to learn what is really important and do not spend them on being alert, at night, of what may happen.
Come on, that sleeping with children is positive for their development, and yet it's a mistake to collect to be the leaders of tomorrow.
And why not, if respectful parenting makes them more respectful people?
Why do you paint a white wall? Because I like white. And wouldn't it be better to paint it yellow if you want it white? No, if I want it white I have to paint it white. How do you have to treat a child if you want him to be like you, if you want to convey his values? Well, just as you would like to be treated and in the same way that you treat other people. If you want your child to be a respectful person, you have to treat him with respect and you have to see that you are a respectful person with others.
If you want him to talk, to dialogue, to solve things with words and not with shouting or with the use of force, you have to talk, dialogue and solve things with him with words and not with shouting or with the use of strength, and it has to do that you do the same with the rest of the people.
If you want your child to be a good person, you have to educate him like that, as a good person, and it has to see that you are too. That is why parenting with attachment, or respectful, is the most logical way to educate and raise a child.
But nevertheless, it is a mistake to raise a child with attachment to be one of the leaders of the future.
Why? Because we have to raise them as we feel, not to be the leaders of tomorrow
Why do you have to breastfeed children? Why its normal, because it is what nature has proposed for all babies, and because the absence of breastfeeding puts obstacles to the development of children.
Why sleep with the children? Because its normal. Because the human being is an altricial species, born completely dependent and unable to fend for itself. That's why newborns are born with a survival instinct that tells them that "if you're going to be alone, cry." And not "cry a little," but "cry like a possessed." That instinct, and the consequent crying, helps them to take them in our arms, put them at our side, and thus be safe from all risk.
Why treat them with respect? Why its normal. Because there is a maxim that says "you must not do to others what you do not want them to do with you", which adds to another that says that "children learn more from what they see than from what you say." All this suggests that the best way to educate them is with love and respect. A child does not get hit, because it is wrong. You have to try not to shout at him, because it is not a correct way to communicate with anyone. He is not punished because it is better that they do the right thing because they feel they should do it that way and not to avoid punishment, and so on with everything.
But none of it must be done to be the leaders of tomorrow, neither presidents, nor revolutionaries, nor philosophers, nor scholars, nor those who will change the world. They will be whatever they want to be, or what they can be. Some will be brilliant, and others will not. Some will be fighters, and others will not. Some will be doctors, lawyers, renowned politicians, and others will not.
Many slap are going to take many of these parents when their children grow up and realize that their children are not more special than other children, who also get bad grades, or who also fight with other children, or who fall into errors that they (the parents) also committed.
What we do, as we educate them, should always be because that's how we think it should be, but not with the purpose of making them magical, indigo children, crystal children, "The Chosen One" or the new Messiah. We are no one to change the world, and neither are our children unless they decide.
When I was a child I wanted to change the world, when I was young I realized that I had to change my country, as an adult my family, and now that I am going to die I have understood that if I had changed I would have changed the world.
Do not ask me about the author, because I do not know, but what we do, what our children do must be destined to be better people, which is not little. The rest will come if you have to arrive. Too much pressure and too much competitiveness puts them in today's world so that their parents, who should respect their decisions and their path, ask them to be the leaders of tomorrow, promoters of a change that really concerns everyone.
And as for the parents, too much pressure can get on their backs if they feel they have the mission to make their children these people: dedicate all their time, all the energy, all the desire, above their own needs, to later realize, the majority, that their children are, more or less, like everyone.
Photos | iStock
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