The emotional impact of a perinatal loss It is often minimized or even socially and medically undervalued. But it is there, and leaves its mark, one that often becomes more apparent when we get pregnant again. Fears and negative emotions You can make an appearance and blur this new stage. I tell you the most frequent fears and how to face them so that they do not harm us.
Living a pregnancy after a perinatal loss can become a complicated task, full of fears, ambivalent feelings and even guilt.
The emotional discomfort at this time has the characteristic that it feeds back: I feel bad after the loss, that also causes me fears in this pregnancy. By feeling fears and not being as happy "as I should" because of my pregnancy, I feel guilty and I get frustrated, which makes me feel even worse ... As I feel bad, I get frustrated because ... And so in an endless negative loop.
The effect of this emotional discomfort does not only affect the mother and father. According to numerous studies, such as the one carried out at the University of Illinois, the consequences can reach the well-being of the new child (because there is a lower quality of care for the new child, as can happen in cases of postpartum depression).
This is why the WHO (World Health Organization) recommends an interval of not less than 6 months between the loss and a new pregnancy. While it is true that there are studies that indicate that the less time passes more chances of a new pregnancy, the reality, data in hand, is that the statistical difference is not so great, and yet the emotional consequences do change if we give ourselves The necessary time.
In Babies and more The seven most common myths about miscarriage that are not trueFear of another abortion: Perhaps it is one of the most powerful and omnipresent fears. That feeling of “I should not get my hopes up because at any moment what we don't want to happen can happen again” that lead us not to establish such powerful links in this pregnancy as in the previous one. Many women find some calm when they exceed the point of pregnancy where they had the loss in the previous one, others nevertheless need more time ...
Guilt: As I said before, a feeling that usually makes an appearance is the fault. I should want the being that I carry in my belly, I'm not taking care of him / talking / wanting as he should... are some of the most common thoughts in these cases. The problem is that this leads us to, I insist, scourge and feel even worse.
Ambivalence: Wanting and wishing with all our strength a new pregnancy, a child, and at the same time feel the pain for the loss of that baby, feel that we are replacing him and not wanting anything more than to return ... Those emotions that collide with each other, that joy faced with so much pain can generate enormous discomfort.
The point is that all these fears can end up translating into anxiety, hence it is so worth addressing them so that we can neutralize them.
What I can do?
Give yourself time and space for the duel: a perinatal loss generates sadness, much, and denying it, if we feel it, is undoubtedly a bad strategy, one that will probably explode in our hands after a while. Against what many people think pregnancy time doesn't matter, pain does not understand that. The duel, whether perinatal or not, must be passed, with its phases and stages, it is healthy and expected, so let yourself live it. Of course, without abandoning him.
Control of expectations: The most sold idea, what we are socially told that must be, is to feel love at first when we learn that we are pregnant. But it is not always the case, not all women live it this way, whether with or without previous perinatal losses. If what we expect, if what we understand that "has to be" is that immediate connection we will have a hard time because it is very possible that it is not so. But calm, you see what happens to more women, and does not mean that then they will not love their children above all things. Calm.
Avoid anticipating: Many thoughts of "anticipation" may come to mind, you may fear, believe or be convinced that something bad is going to happen again ... This fear is quite logical, but it is not worth it, we are not interested. Remember that this pregnancy is not the previous one, it is a different one, with its characteristics, its incidences and its peculiarities. Ask all your doubts to the healthcare professional who carries your pregnancy, so you will eliminate some ghosts.
Give yourself time: The "love" for the new creature does not have to appear at the same time when you see the positive test ... Give yourself time to adapt, to rework everything that has happened, to heal the wound and build you new.
Give yourself permission: You don't have to be happy all the time, no matter how good a new pregnancy it is. There will be moments of sadness, and nothing happens, it is the natural process of grieving, and you have to pass it, do not crush yourself for it.
We will go day by day. Making projections or long-term plans when we feel bad is neither feasible nor a good idea, it is better to go slowly, with short-term goals. Think that, as I said before, we cannot pretend to be well all the time. The most realistic thing is to think that throughout the day we will have moments of being well and moments of being bad, but that is precisely why we must strive to have good moments, and value them when they arrive.
In Babies and more How long to wait to try again after an abortion?Regarding pregnancy itself: we will also go little by little, goal by goal. Each test that gives positive results, each review that is correct must be our victory, without looking further, focusing on these specific data, so we can assess them more positively.
- Share. You are not alone, go to your family, friends or a professional to help you in this period of your life. Many women find it difficult to recognize their discomfort in the face of a new pregnancy, but it is key that we talk about it. You are not doing anything wrong, you are not feeling anything bad ... Ask for help, you deserve it, and your little one is on the way too.
If in spite of everything you notice that you have anxiety, that it is difficult for you to handle the situation, go to a professional to guide you. As I just said, you are not the only one, and you will surely find who can help you. Cheer up!
Photos: Pixabay.com
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