It is normal for a child to go into rebel mode and have their tantrums. It is not uncommon to hear a father say that his son has had a tantrum for half an hour because he wanted a blue cup instead of yellow or that he had a good time screaming and crying when he has been explained that to draw you have to use the paper and not the walls.
From what moment we should worry this kind of behavior?
When analyzing a child's behavior, psychologists take into account what is going on, how long the problem has been produced and the impact of the problem. When acts of rebellion and anger are too frequent to have a negative impact on their academic performance and relationships with their friends and family, the child may be considered to suffer from a defiant negative disorder or TND.
The TDN is a set of behaviors based on disobedience, hostility and rebellion Towards authority figures. Children who suffer from this disorder rebel, are stubborn, argue with adults and refuse to obey, often have attacks of anger and have a hard time controlling their temper.
TDN can have a negative impact on the education of a young person because it will have Problems of adaptation and to conform to the norms of the classrooms. It can also affect life in the home because anger and rebellion cause tensions in relationships and if left untreated in time can diminish your chances of having a prosperous career.
The challenging negativist disorder is one of the most common disorders in children and adolescents, being able to find between 1 and 16% of the population depending on the criteria and diagnostic methods used. TDN rates appear to be higher in boys than in girls, but some researchers believe that the criteria used to diagnose this disorder harm boys.
TDN affects all types of families and the fact that there are several triggers makes it difficult to predict. However, there are factors that make a person more vulnerable to developing TDN: a family history of behavioral problems or substance abuse, poverty, lack of structure, violence in the environment and neglected education by tutors.
Anger and rebellion can cause stress in relationships. There are treatments carried out by accredited professionals whose effectiveness has been demonstrated and that can have good results for young people. Normally these types of treatments include the support of parents and educational centers and are combined with individual therapy. They are usually used cognitive behavioral therapies (CBT) to improve the way in which young people control anger and promote alternative methods of communication.
These treatments are designed so that you can communicate with your child and that the conversation does not end in a strong discussion. The goal is to help the child control his anger in the most effective way and ensure that all parties collaborate. Discussions and challenging attitude may continue, but they will be significantly reduced both during treatment and later.
If you have problems of disobedience at home or your child has been diagnosed with TDN there are several things you can do as a mother or father.
1. Avoid clashes
Many times young people will remain in their thirteen if there are more people ahead, even knowing that they will not fix the situation. Therefore it is better that there are fewer people present and that the child or adolescent can retract without looking bad.
If you are a teacher and a student for example refuses to sit with his classmates, you can say something like: "I am disappointed that you do not want to join us. We will talk when class is over."
Focusing on the activity and not on the behavior in question will give you the ability to react differently. This method can also be used by parents when siblings are present.
2. Give few options
Offer few options It can help avoid the disobedience that can follow the order of one of the parents.
Think about the following situation: your child has fun in the pool and although you call him for dinner he doesn't want to get out of the water. You feel that your authority as a father is disobeyed and you ask him to leave NOW!
Refuses. What do you do?
You can get into the pool and try to get it out (something that could end badly for you or both) or you can ignore the act of rebellion (but then the child understands that his trick has worked).
Or you can give him less options. In this case you could say something kind:
I know you're having a good time and I imagine you don't want it to end, but dinner is on the table and I'm afraid you have two options: or you get out of the pool and dinner and so we will have time to go to the game after have dinner or you stay in the pool and you miss it. You will know.
Option two (our consequence) is something you have control over (whether or not you take the game).
3. Put yourself in his place
The negativist children sometimes they refuse to obey as a way to express their frustration or his anger or to try to regain control of his world. Even if you disagree with their point of view, listening to them they will know that you are really interested in knowing their opinion and that, as far as possible, you will work together to find a solution.
Think of a teenager who refuses to return home at the time he was sent. You can punish him and make the situation worse or you can ask him why he wants to return home later, how he is supposed to give him time to prepare his homework and other tasks or how you are going to make sure he doesn't get in trouble, etc.
You can paraphrase their arguments before of throwing yourself to respond to make sure you have understood their point of view.
4. Look for triggers
Our behavior is always a form of communication. Sometimes we focus so much on responding to problem behavior that we forget to think about what has caused them to behave like this.
Some of the triggers are directly related to the problem in question, while others, such as fatigue or problems with friends occur in the background, but make the child may have trouble coping with these situations and make things worse. . Once you have identified the causes that caused the problem, you can Design a plan to face them together.
Let's say your four year old son returns home from the nursery and throws his backpack violently in his room. You ask him to take his lid from the food so you can clean it. He starts shouting.
In this case your options are:
> Observe: I have noticed that you have thrown away your backpack and that you are making a lot of noise. I think you are angry
> Validate: Nothing happens if you feel angry. It happens to all of us sometimes.
> Redirect: The next time you get angry, you would mind telling me and if you want we will make noise together. It seems a better idea than to throw your things around the room.
The most important thing is that the parents, the rest of the family and the school staff collaborate and for this it is necessary to speak frequently, make clear what are the best ways to help the child and explain the plan as openly as possible .
Authors:
Jade sheen: Professor of Psychology School, Deakin University
Jane McGillivray: Professor of Psychology, Deakin University
This article has originally been published in The Conversation. You can read the original article here.
Photos | iStock
Translation | Wild Urbón
