One of the most important things a father can do for his son is to ensure that your self-esteem be as much as possible.
Self-esteem is defined as the emotional perception that one has of oneself, something like self-love and is determined, in large part, by the relationship that others have with you (if someone is rejected by others, they will probably have low self-esteem), for the perception that others have of you and how they feel being with you.
In the first years of life, children enter into the first relationships with their parents and siblings, being the most intense emotionally and physically speaking relationship that is created with their parents and, above all, with the primary reference, which is usually the mother (that person you go to when there really are problems).
That relationship between parents and children, that bond that must be created must be strong and solid for the child to maintain high self-esteem and can face the vicissitudes of life with security and confidence. Margarita Ibáñez, psychologist of the Neonatology service of the Hospital of Sant Joan de Déu, has spoken about this link, saying the following:
Babies linked to their mother feel protected, they develop a kind of trust in others that works for them, and that makes them later more socially competent. If they have problems they ask for help, and they get it.
A child with a good bond with an adult knows and feels that it is important for that person, while the adult, usually the mother, feels the same about their child.
This feeling in the child, feeling important and taken into account, is the basis of good self-esteem and self-confidence, with which the rest of his life will work.
I love you for being who you are, not for what you do
A close bond makes the child feel good about himself and feel loved simply for existing and for who he is. This self-esteem is healthy and more solid than that which is based, as happens too many times, on the things that one does right or wrong.
Many people believe that the only way to make a child have high self-esteem is to reinforce their positive behaviors and praise what they do well so they feel good about themselves.
It is true that this can help a child to improve his perception of himself, but it is a way too weak, since the moment he embarks on more difficult roads whose outcome is not as expected, he himself will feel disappointed with himself. and he will feel that he can begin to lose the love of those who loved him when he did things right.
For this reason, the important thing is to have a close, healthy and strong bond in which the child can succeed, make mistakes, behave well and behave badly and do not feel less loved by it. Love has nothing to do with what we like or dislike about our children and that is why when they do something wrong, it should be clear that "I love you very much, my son, but what you have done I do not like."
40% of the population did not get a good bond in childhood
60% of the population at the time had a stable bond that gives them security and confidence and helps them establish healthy and competent social relationships.
This means that there is a remaining 40% (which is said soon) of people who failed to be really linked to any adult and who have grown up convinced that no one will help them because they are less important or because they do not deserve that help. Ibáñez comments on the following in this regard:
They do not trust that asking for help will help them, and they do not ask for it, or they do it with great emotional staging, but without waiting for an answer.
In the units of Neonatology they have put to work
So much importance is being given to the link between parents and children that in the units of premature infants, it is beginning to promote and try to facilitate the prolonged presence of parents.
Not only for babies to spend time with their parents and meet them, but also for parents to spend time with their babies and feel the need to want to raise and care for their children above all and above all (come on, to fall in love with each other ).
The arms have a lot to say
Ángela Arranz, nurse responsible for the premature ward of the Maternitat of the Hospital Clínic de Barcelona says that many parents "They still do not give importance to contact with your baby, or think they are going to get used to being in your arms, and that is bad!".
It is time to banish such aberration. Arms and contact with babies They are part of the few weapons we have to make them feel safe, calm and loved.
When a child cries, he suffers. Nothing better than mom and dad to calm that suffering and make him feel loved and important: "Shhh, quiet little one, mom is here, now and whenever you need me."
