Young children cry frequently. When they are babies it is the only way they have to tell us that something is wrong (that they are hungry, cold, hot or painful) and as they grow they have the ability to explain it, more or less, in their own words.
The first thing parents usually say when our children cry is "don't cry", a somewhat confusing message when in reality what we want is to calm down and contain the child. Unintentionally, we are somehow invalidating your feeling, as if we were asking you not to feel what you are feeling. There are more tools that we can use in these cases.
Instead of "don't cry" there are some more empathic phrases we can say to our children when they cry, these are some of them:
1. "Here you have me"
When a child is having a bad time, all he needs is to know that dad and / or mom are there to accompany him. Although we cannot avoid suffering what we can do is always be for them. Tell him.
2. "Cry all you need"
We want children who are able to show their emotions, and not only joy, but also even when they are sad or having a bad time for some reason. It is positive that they let off steam, that they let go of the anguish that they carry inside while we accompany them.
3. "I understand you"
Sometimes they just need to hear that, that we understand their suffering. As much as it may seem to us a trifle, for them it is not. Whatever the reason, we should not underestimate their feelings or say phrases such as "it is not so much" or "do not cry for that nonsense."
4. "Can I help you with something?"
Children sometimes do not have the capacity to solve for themselves what distresses them. That is why we, the parents, can offer our help to propose solutions until they are able to find them for themselves.
In Babies and more, what do you not like being told from above? Get up to your son: the active listening method5. "Sorry"
We may be (the parents) the cause of his crying for something we have said without intention. In that case asking forgiveness of children when we are wrong is not a sign of weakness, but quite the opposite, it is a teaching.
On the other hand, if they are distressed by something external, saying "I'm sorry" is a gesture of empathy towards them. One way to let them see that we understand their feelings.
6. "I hear you"
Sometimes children cry at the frustration of not knowing how to express in words what they feel. Getting up to it, making eye contact and offering our active listening is a way to open the door to your emotions.
7. "I understand that you feel bad"
One way to connect with them is to use this phrase that implies our support and understanding. By telling them that we understand their feelings, our children will feel more clothed. It may be the perfect time to tell you about a similar situation that we have had, so that you can see that dad and mom also sometimes have a bad time.
8. "I understand that it hurts, we will heal you"
Many times children cry because they have been beaten or harmed, and we immediately say "don't cry". Why don't we change that phrase by showing understanding and the intention to fix it? This simple change of perspective will make them see that we care about their damage and will make them focus on the solution, the cure.
9. "Let's solve it together"
Again the strategy of the solution will make them see that, although we cannot avoid the bad, we can look together for a way to repair it. When there is a problem, they expect us to support them, understand them and help them find a solution.
10. "Everything will be fine"
A reassuring phrase that we all need to hear when we are sad and that of course also works with young children. We must provide containment and serenity, because everything happens.
In Babies and more Why you should stop telling your children "nothing happens" when they cry 
11. "Tomorrow you will see it with other eyes"
Sometimes children (and adults) are resounding in the face of a certain situation. As much as we explain the same thing over and over again, there is no way for them to understand it. Good advice is to take distance and reassess it the next day. In this way we reassure them at the moment and postpone the solution for later.
12. "Calm down, you will do well"
Knowing that they have our support and trust is key for our children, since in this way they will have security to face adverse situations. Trusting them represents half of your success.
13. "Now we can't do what you want, maybe later"
When crying comes from a tantrum, something quite common when we talk about young children, instead of facing a "don't cry" and further aggravate the tantrum, we can use this phrase.
It is possible that there is a desire of the child that is not possible to fulfill, in that case we are putting a limit in a respectful way, telling them that it is not possible and leaving the possibility open to do it at another more opportune moment.
14. "It won't always be like this"
Children may relate a fact to future situations and become fatalistic, believing that it will always be repeated. It is important to reassure them and tell them that it will not always be that way, that things can be modified and solved.
15. "Mom / Dad will come back later"
Especially in young children, separation from parents (especially from the mother) can be very distressing. When they start kindergarten or when we have to go to work it is an unpleasant moment for everyone. Telling the child not to cry will not help calm their anguish, but will reassure them and tell them that we will return later.
In Babies and more How to set limits on children with respect and empathy: seven keys to positive discipline
