If you are already a family of three, you are probably thinking of giving your son a little brother. It is clear that the situation is not the same as with the first pregnancy. Time has passed (in some cases more, in others less) and you already have a son who demands all your energy. If the idea of becoming parents again is around, we reflect on when to look for a second pregnancy.
We will focus on how the age of each of its members influences when it comes to enlarging the family. Of course, other factors can also influence such as the economic situation, family pressures or other personal issues that in some cases are decisive, but we will now talk about the most widespread.
Mother's age
As we know, women are mothers at increasingly advanced ages. In Spain, most have their first child after 30 years and 30% have their first child after age 35, that is, it is very likely that if they decided to have a second baby, it would come after 35 years. Many women have them before, but the truth is that the biological clock does not stop and the chances of achieving pregnancy decrease significantly the older the woman. From 35 years of age the chances of pregnancy are 8% and from 38, 3%.
That is, the woman's age is a very important factor, both for the chances of pregnancy and for the complications that pregnancy and childbirth can entail at certain ages.
Many couples, after having the first baby, rush to have the second one because the 40 are already on top. The argument of some women who have delayed their motherhood and want to have a second child is "I'm already an age, so the time is now or never".
Not only must the mother's biological age be taken into account, even though we feel great the female fertility cycle does not understand these issues.
It is also very important, regardless of age, the physical state. The body has previously gone through pregnancy and childbirth, it is possible that there have been a few extra kilos as a memory, so the second pregnancy does not face the same physical conditions as the first. Ideally, exercise again in the postpartum period to be ready for the second pregnancy, and of course, continue throughout the new pregnancy.
In addition to the biological age and physical condition, I give a lot of importance to energy. The care of a small baby demands a lot of energy from the parents. It is not advisable to face a second pregnancy with the battery discharged. Although we may take less care of ourselves in the second pregnancy, the second baby deserves our attention and care as much as the first one even if it is still in the womb.
And I don't just talk about the energy we need to take care of a child and a pregnancy because that's just the beginning. We must also think about the future, from here to five or ten years, because children will continue to need us one hundred percent and usually the energies are not the same at 40 than at 50.
The older brother's age
There are many theories about the age difference between siblings. There is no precise rule about what is the best time to have a second child, that depends a lot on the particular situation of each family.
There is everything. There are those who prefer to have their children very often and as soon as the postpartum has passed they search for the second. They choose to have both of them in a similar stage of development, thinking that they have the same affinities, play together and attend more or less to the same needs.
On the other extreme, there are those who prefer to focus on the first child until they become more independent, say 4 or 5 years, and only there look for a little brother to focus on their care. This theory is very valid and understandable, but we must bear in mind that there must be a desire to return to night waking, crying and diapers when I had forgotten.
In the middle of these two positions there is another intermediate, for me the most reasonable (in fact my daughters take two years between the first two and three years between the second and third).
Personally, a year apart seems to me very little because at that age the child still requires a lot of attention from his parents, and above all from his mother, and four or five years seems too much because I like the older one to have a brother with whom to share in those years (2-3 years) key to the formation of personality.
I consider that between two and three years of difference between siblings is ideal so that each one is treated as he deserves during the first years and at the same time both have a partner with whom to share games and experiences. Each couple will assess their preferences and the family model that best suits them, according to their principles and ideals.
Father's age
Although the age of the father may not seem a decisive factor when looking for a second pregnancy because it is not he who carries the baby inside and stops him, it is not a minor factor either.
The biological clock also passes for man. Sperm deteriorates with age, which means that the chances of fertilizing an egg are diminished affecting the couple's fertility. Keep in mind that pregnancy could be delayed longer than expected.
On the other hand, there are more and more investigations that relate the late moment of being a father with greater risks for the baby. It has been linked to autism, with psychiatric problems, including bipolar disorder, and with congenital malformations in the newborn.
In addition, due to the natural genetic deterioration of sperm, men over 50 are four times more likely to have a child with Down syndrome.
For the added risks, as the mother's age is taken into account, the paternal age must also be considered when forming a family.
That in terms of biological age, as in the case of the mother, I believe that the father's energy is also key. And not only to take care of a baby but also thinking long term.
I hope these reflections help you decide what is the best time to look for a second pregnancy. In another post we will talk about how to prepare for the new pregnancy.
