Should there be postpartum plans? Unrespected meetings

Your baby has just been born, you've taken them in nine long months, you've felt his kicks, his hiccups, you've seen him suck his finger, move his legs, you've heard his heart, you've seen his features in the shadows, that nose sounds pretty and now, finally you have him in your arms, you can smell him, you can feel him, caress him, he is there with you.

They take you back to your room, and down the hall you start hearing familiar voices. Everyone has come, the room is full of people who until yesterday was your family, but today they seem a little more strange. Today you don't want them by your side, today is your moment, to meet you all three, to be together and alone your partner, your son and you. No, this time you don't want anyone else in the room, moreover, you don't want anyone else in the world.

Why did they ignore it? Why didn't they wait? You have been able to make your own birth plan, and you wonder if maybe Shouldn't postpartum plans exist? Unrespected meetings

The first contact with the baby must be respected

We know that skin-to-baby contact of the baby and the mother in the first minutes of life is very important, so much so that there are hospitals that tests for the newborn, necessary to check the child's good condition, are done on the mother's body and only in case of need or danger to the baby will they be taken to a specific area to assist you.

This skin with skin in caesarean sections becomes more complicated, let's not forget that we are talking about a surgical intervention and things can get complicated, anyway if the situation allows the process is similar to the previous one.

But there are times when this is not the case and there may be different problems that make the mother unable to hold her baby or require urgent medical attention that prevents contact, in these cases it is when the father must fill that position and be the one to give "welcome the baby". But keep in mind that it is important that you be a parent.

The visits. That source of headaches

The first thing we should point out in our postpartum plan is how and when we want to visit. It is very important that you speak this among you, I mean father and mother, to make a common front before the rest. It is important to keep in mind that we are talking about family members of each other, people who are important to the couple even if we cannot see them and that a mother and future grandmother, or a good friend, is not the same as a co-worker , neighbor or third cousin by grandmother who has not seen her hair for 25 years.

You have to be very clear that it's your moment, that those first hours or days will never happen again and that every moment you miss may weigh you in the future.

Do not discriminate one family from the other. We all understand that it is a thousand times preferable to have your mother by your side than your mother-in-law, but let's not forget that both are just as grandmothers and that at least legally, they have the same rights. I speak in normal cases of course, I do not forget that there are mothers and mothers and that some grandparents (men) can be a real bad drink.

You have to be very clear that it's your moment, that those first hours or days will never happen again.

An awkward and disadvantageous situation.

A woman who has just given birth is not at her best, no matter how well the birth went. Usually you will not have too many forces, the wounds (both a caesarean and an episotomy) hurt and it is possible that the baby has a problem, not to mention that hospital clothes, especially with which he leaves a delivery room, It is not the most appropriate to feel comfortable. All this together makes it not very convenient to leave her alone in the company of people she doesn't trust or that she doesn't feel comfortable with. We all need to go out at some point, to eat, to clear ourselves a little, to deal with the family, but we better try to do it when she is with someone with whom she feels comfortable.

At home or in the hospital, who goes to each site?

There are those who prefer to have visitors during the days they stay in the hospital. This has its advantages, people stay less time on average, you do not have to prepare anything (it may seem selfish a priori, but remember that we just gave birth and the thing is not to walk playing the kitchens) and we can have a Excuse not to be in the mood. On the contrary it has the disadvantage that we are more tired, that it is not our territory and therefore we may not be able to serve people as we would have liked. Also, if too many of us get together in the room, it will make the baby disoriented, get nervous and go crying all night.

Personally I prefer that those closest to you come home, though, after we have settled so that we can all enjoy the moment.

Homecoming, home sweet home

Another of the moments that I recommend you do it alone is the arrival home with the baby. It will usually be the first day that the mother has been so long standing, we will have been in the hospital for several days and what we least want at that time is to find the house full of people, unless they are dedicated to taking care of us and pamper us, in that case you can tell them to keep coming for the next 15 years.

My advice is that you wait a few days for people to come to visit and take advantage while you are both at home, that will be much more bearable.

The father, the great forgotten or the invisible man

It usually happens that visitors arrive and all they are looking for is the baby. On the one hand it is logical, we already have very seen and a new face gives a lot of play, especially to start playing who is who. But we must not forget that there are also parents in that room. It is normal for the mother to remember, also because it is that large lump that is on the bed (do not laugh that one does not even notice) and receives congratulations and occasional attention.

But there is a figure that nobody sees until he is stepped on or by mistake one sits on top of him and is none other than the newly released father. Yes, he has been able to eat ham and take the rods he has wanted these nine months, but it is not bad that he receives a little attention too. As a contracting party I will tell you that it is to be thankful.

All this is something that we must agree together and that each one transmits to theirs, for what is who best knows them, Your joint postpartum plan.

If we are on the other side, that is, we are the "visitor" and we are not sure about it, it is best to ask when and how it is good for them to visit them and, above all, never, never self-invite.

For my part, I only wish you that if you are about to live all this or are living it, have Patience a lot of patience and that is as light and pleasant as possible.

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